Fatherhood

By Bill White, HNJ School Religion Teacher

My wife and I were married for eight years and never had a child, her doctor said she might be able to get pregnant with some meds, but I did not want kids and she was OK with it, so we just went about our lives.  Eight years into the marriage, at the age of 28, I gave my heart to God, and He said, ‘now I can do something with you’.  About 6 months later Denise was pregnant with our first child and in 14 years, He gave us 10 more.  So much for not wanting to have kids.  After the first one, I was hooked.  I loved holding her, teaching her, caring for her needs, I love being a dad.

At a social one night, when we had about 4 kids, someone quipped “just wait until they’re teenagers.”  Right then and there I decided to ward off the teenage blues by showing them the world and discussing what was bad and why;  teaching them to be in the world but not of the world.  It seems to have worked.

I had the privilege to be a stay-home dad for the first six kids.   It was after our second child that I really became a dad.  One normal day, I put the two down for a nap and went out to do my furniture project while they slept.  One of them must have woken up because I stopped and had the realization that my life was over – this was a good thing – right then and there I knew that I had to throw away everything that was my old life and put the kids in the center of my new life.  Anything, old or new, that fit around them was welcome.  And that is my big secret for being able to have 11 children grow up as wonderful productive members of society.

Well, not quite.  The one true thing that allowed me to be a good father and dad was that I made sure that the kids knew that Jesus was the Head of the household and that I was just His zookeeper.  Of course, it was not (and still isn’t) done perfectly, but when it was being done right, the house was a cacophony of laughter and shouting and breakage.   

If I had tried it on my own, I would have crashed and burned.  My weekly hour of Adoration and our (mostly) nightly family Rosary were true Godsends.  Because of this, it was not that tough to step aside and let God lead the family.  He is always working behind the scenes and by His Grace we recognize his hand in our house.

It always amazes me that it took 2000 years to come up with the simplest phrase that guided me: “What would Jesus do?”  I know it’s hokey, but it works.  When I can stop and consider those 4 words, especially in a heated moment between myself and one of my lovely children, it changes things – makes it better.

My kids now range from 33 to 18 years old.   They have all chosen to become practicing Catholics.  They all love one another although they may not like each other at times.  We have two religious vocations. Thomas will be ordained a priest in Rome in April of 2023.  Mary is discerning a cloistered life with the Benedictine sisters in Washington state.  

My wife and I will celebrate our 42nd wedding anniversary.  I will leave you with something that has also guided my parenting:  If you want good kids, love their mother.